court certified batterer intervention and anger management ​programs for Santa Barbara County 


  • Emotional Abuse: This might not sound like a serious issue, but it is. Actually, this might affect the victim worse than physical abuse. Because, you can get your injuries treated easily. But, a broken soul is very hard to restore. And, that’s what exactly we’re talking here. The offenders attack their victims psychologically. They try to bring you down with their words or actions. They use cheap tactics such as calling you names, insulting you publicly, or any other similar action. They will also make you feel guilty, even if you haven’t committed any mistake. Talk about super manipulators! People with childhood trauma are highly prone to this form of abuse. Because, they’ve already experienced some horrible things in their past. These people are great at mind games. They fool you and you don’t even realize that. They’re such energy-drainers. Also, this form of violence has long-term effects on the victim.​


  • Push, shove, grab
  • Pin against wall
  • Hold/ carry against will
  • Spit on
  • Slap on face or body
  • Punching with fist
  • Twisting arm
  • Hair pulling, Biting
  • Banging head on surfaces
  • Throwing body on floor
  • Kicking with knee or foot
  • Strangling, choking
  • Burning
  • Backhanding
  • Standing or sitting on
  • Pushing out of car
  • Unwanted/forced sex      


  • Throwing any objects even if small
  • Brandishing a weapon to scare
  • Hitting with a car
  • Destruction of personal property
  • Driving recklessly to scare
  • Slamming doors
  • Tearing clothes
  • Breaking car windshield
  • Punching walls
  • Sweeping things off table or dresser                                            


  • Blocking doorway can't leave
  • Standing behind car,can’t leave
  • Taking phone away, can’t call
  • Clenching fist as if to hit
  • Intimidate physically


  • Yelling, screaming
  • Threats to use violence 
  • Threats of destruction of property
  • Being sarcastically hurtful
  • Threat to hurt kids, family, friends or pets
  • Threats to cause harm or kill
  • Insulting 
  • Name calling (stupid, fat, ugly etc)


  • Stalking on social media to spy on
  • Blowing up their phone, sending harassing texts
  • Spreading false rumors on social media
  • Posting embarrassing photos on social media w/t permission
  • Breaking into emails and phone to check texts                                  


  • Harassing and stalking. 
  • Showing up unannounced at work, home, school when not wanted
  • Threats to commit suicide if relationship ends
  • Blackmailing
  • Withholding sex to punish and control
  • Isolation -Prevent from seeing family and friends
  • Threats to take children or pets away
  • Prevent from working or school
  • Constant criticizing, nit picking, blaming
  • On-going accusation of cheating 
  • Gasligting (dismissing others feelings)       


Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control. The wheel serves as a diagram of tactics that an abusive partner uses to keep their victims in a relationship. 

  • Coercion & Threats: This is a type of authoritative behavior, where the batterer tries to control the victim through threats. The abuser may force the victim to do something and threaten if ignored. Some people make threats of physical assault, to get something do something. It may involve forceful sex as well. They may ask for money, and if rejected, they might warn of consequences.

  • Intimidation:  When they’re not stopped at the first step, they may resort to intimidation tactics. This could go well beyond threats. They may actually do harm to you. Most of the times, that proceeds a warning or threat. Here, they try to make you afraid through their looks, words, or actions. When they sense that you’re not scared enough, they may go the extra mile. Things like, damaging your properties, hurting your pets, or displaying weapons are very normal for them. Yeah, they don’t feel any remorse either.
  • Isolation: What happens when someone gets too possessive?! Well, they go crazy and make others suffer. That’s exactly what we have here. Some people want full control over their partners. They want to know the places they go to, people they meets, and things they do. And then, they will try to isolate you from those things.  They will stop you from meeting your friends and family. They may even stop you from going to your favorite coffee shop. They may also resort to stalking to see how you’re doing and whom you’re meeting. 

  • Denying, Blaming, and Minimizing: Some people out there don’t even feel any guilt. They have no remorse and they don’t feel bad for their wrongdoings.
    “That’s just a bruise, it will wear off. Now, go make some coffee.”

  • Using Children: These are some of the worst kinds of people out there. These abusers use children to hurt you. And that hurt may come in different forms.
    Usually, they make you feel guilty for your children’s situation, whatever trouble they’re having. Like, blaming you when your kids get poor grades. When they stop talking to you, they will use your kids to relay messages to you. It may not sound that bad. But, think about this. Your kids go through extreme trauma, when they sense that things are bad between you and your partner. They even get worried. Few people even use the visitation to harass the victim. And, it’s quite difficult to avoid, since visitations are their right. But, you can stop that by reporting to the police. Don’t keep quiet.

  • Economic Abuse: This is a highly prevalent abuse. Many people (especially women) suffer from this type of domestic violence. Especially, the married ones. Here, the abuser might resort to preventing their partner from going to a job. Or, they may force their partner to quit the existing job. They may also ask you money and abuse you when you reject their request. They might also take money from you and then harass you by not returning the amount. Some people even hide or remove access to family income. This can cause a severe financial impact on the victim.

  • Gender Privilege: Here, the batterers are mostly men. However, there is a small section of women who commit this crime.The abuser mistreats their partner, just because they’re born into a different gender. But, they still do it anyway. They might treat their victim like a maid or a servant. Some people even go further and make their partner a slave. And they also try to form gender roles. Like ordering you to do something, and, rewarding themselves with special privileges, because of their gender.




Domestic violence is an abusive, violent, coercive, forceful, or threatening act or word inflicted by one member of a family or household to another. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Domestic violence varies from saying unkind or demeaning words to kicking, choking, or even murdering. Stalking can also be a form of domestic violence. The term “domestic violence” often refers to violence between married and cohabiting couples yet can also refer to violence against other members, such as children or elderly relatives. (Read about the cycle of abuse)

Violence is not just about hitting someone. Violence is about causing harm intentionally to control and to intimidate someone. Here are examples:


A domestic violence offense can include various forms of conduct under the California Penal Code. Many acts of domestic violence also constitute other types of criminal offenses, such as criminal threats, assault & battery, etc.

However, domestic violence may be charged when an act of violence, physical force or a threat is committed against a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, intimate partner, co-habitant, fiancé or co-parent. When this type of close personal relationship exists between the accused and the complaining witness, the potential punishment can be more severe. Because domestic violence charges are based on the relationship between the parties, there are several offenses that may be brought under the rubric of domestic violence based on the underlying conduct and identity of the parties.


​If you get a conviction of a domestic violence offense, the consequences can have a substantial impact on your future. While the precise penalties will vary depending on the facts, circumstances, injuries, and the defendant’s criminal record, the consequences might include some or all the following:

  • Jail/Prison: While the period of incarceration will vary city by city in California, being charged with domestic violence as a felony is punishable by up to four years in prison.
  • Loss of Constitutional Rights: If you are convicted of a domestic violence offense, the court will restrict your ability to own or possess a firearm. You may also be subject to warrantless searches. If you are convicted of a felony form of domestic violence, you also will have your right to vote or serve on a jury suspended.
  • Restraining Orders: The court will order you to have no contact with the complaining witness. When protective orders are imposed, you also might be excluded from your home and have access to your children limited.
  • Counseling/Education: A person convicted of a domestic violence crime might be ordered to complete a 26-week domestic batterer class.
  • Record of Conviction: When you suffer a criminal conviction for a domestic violence offense, the conviction will be part of your criminal record. When employers, landlords, professional licensing entities, immigration agencies or state occupational licensing agencies run a criminal background check, your criminal conviction may have an adverse impact. 


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