​​ANGER MANAGEMENT SPECIALISTS​

​

Notice small tension in your body, your tone of voice, and level of frustration.
​Are you getting activated?

You are now BEHAVING AGGRESSIVE AND PHYSICAL/VERBAL VIOLENCE IS HAPPENING. You are risking to cause serious harm to yourself or to others. STOP EVERYTHING, STOP TALKING AND WALK AWAY IMMEDIATELY - BREATHE!

COMMON CONSEQUENCES:

1. INJURIES
2. LOVED ONES ARE SCARED
3. LAW ENFORCEMENT
4. IMPACT ON CHILDREN
5. JAIL, LEGAL FEES
6. RESTRAINING ORDERS
7. SEPERATION/DIVORCE

You

CALM

You are now triggered, yelling, hurtful, and talking does not help.
WALK AWAY
to cool down for 20 minutes and return only when cooled off.

Try using "I Statements... 

Like I feel hurt, I need space..."

© 2020. ANGER MANAGEMENT SPECIALISTS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

​SAFE ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​TIME-OUT PLAN
Three Basic Steps to Say when activated:

Step 1 - "I am feeling really tense/angry/upset."
Step 2 - "I am going to take a time out for half an hour."
Step 3 - "When I come back, I'd like to talk about this some more."

Time out is an action taken to keep yourself and others safe and stop you from hurting

or making the situation worse.

There are 5 stages:

1. Stop and choose to take time out
   
2. Saying ‘I need time out’ and leaving the scene disrespectly will probably activate your
   ​partner to chase you and re-engage in the argument. You must ignore all texts,
   ​calls, and sad/angry pleads. FOCUS ON CALMING YOURSELF FIRST.
   
3. Calm Down – when away, try: breathing, reading listening to music, or make your
   body do something safe expression like digging the garden, riding a bike, playing
   sports or just walking till you calm down. Watch your negative thoughts too. Let go.
   
4. Think – Develop a new plan for the same situation: What you were doing wasn’t
   working so you need a new plan to sort out the situation better and safer.​
   
5. Return – sitting down and working it out without accusing, blaming, controlling.
   
6. ​If things get dangerous again you need to re-start the whole ‘time out’ cycle.
   
   Remember:  
   ​Don't drink, take drugs ordrive when taking Time Out.

​After Coming Back From Time Out
Don't start talking again until you reasonably calm. Then:

1. Make a conscious effort to make a fresh to solve the problem.
2. make a cup of coffee, tea etc for you both
   
3. talk in a different room.
   
4. sit down on a chair or on the floor.
   
5. talk in a quieter tone and in a lower volume. 
   
6. leave a pause after the other person has spoken.
   ​Allow yourself to listen
   
7. talk calmly with out sarcasm
   
8. If you start feeling angry again, take another Time Out.
   

 
Basic Communication: the 4 Part Phrase
When you are ready to talk, State the situation:DO NOT USE the "YOU" word

• I feel . . . (hurt, sad, alone, afraid, ignored, devalued, upset)
• When . . . (state the ACT that bothers you, no blaming,
  ​judging)
  
• Because . . .
  
• I would like/prefer/want . . . (no demands, just requests)
  

****This is an intelligent way to manage your anger which works as long as you follow it carefully, memorize it and stick to it. It will get you out of all sorts of situations and often get you what you want. Be clear and specific on the act that is bothering you. Don’t attack the person, just state the ACT.

Remember: You don't always get what you want. This is because others have choices too.

​Domestic Violence and Anger Management Court Certified Programs for Santa Barbara County