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​SAFE ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​TIME-OUT 
Time out is an action to keep yourself and others safe and stop from hurting others 
or making the situation worse.

• IDENTIFY YOUR STRESS LEVEL - FEEL!
• ANNOUNCE YOUR TIME OUT
  
• RETURN
  

Basic Steps to do when activated:

1. Stop what you are doing or saying and choose to take time out. Just STOP
   
   
2. Say ‘I am feeling very angry right now so "I" need to cool off but 
   I will come back in ___ (choose a reasonable time to come back).
   NOTE: DO NOT leave the scene yelling and slamming doors. This will probably
   activate your ​partner to chase you and re-engage in the argument.
   

**You must leave anyway, and ignore all texts, ​calls, and pleads to stay.
**You must come back when you said you would.

**Re-evaluate safety.

​

1. Calming Down – when away, try breathing, walking, listening to music, or make your
   body do something like digging the gardening, riding a bike, playing sports or exercise
   until you get in a clearer and safer frame of mind. DO NOT use substances.
   
   
2. Think – What were you doing or saying that may have upset your partner? and how did you say it
   Were you yelling, did you insult them?.  Think of a new plan to deal with future situations better and safer.​
   
   
3. Return – sitting down and working it out without accusing, blaming, controlling. ​Try to listen and compromise a little more. Breathe a lot.
   
   ​After Coming Back From Time Out
   When you are reasonably calm:
   

1. Make a conscious effort to make a fresh effort to solve the problem or find a compromise together. Win-win for both parties
2. Make and offer a cup of coffee, tea etc for you both. No alcohol, stay clear headed.
   

3. Talk in a different room, sit down on the floor to ground.

4. Talk in a quieter tone and in a lower volume. 
   
5. Leave a pause after the other person has spoken. Allow yourself to listen
   
6. Talk calmly with out sarcasm or digs
   
7. ​If things escalate again take another ‘time out’. Its's ok to repeat the steps!
   

Basic Communication Skills
When you are ready to talk, State the situation:

• I feel . . . (hurt, sad, alone, afraid, ignored, devalued, upset)
• When . . . (state the ACT that bothers you, no blaming, ​judging)
  
• Because . . .
  
• I would like/prefer/want . . . (no demands, just requests)
  

​Remember: You don't always get what you want. This is because others have choices too.

STAY CONNECTED

​​Pay attention to your tone of voice and stress level. Do HALT and self care and let it go!

 You are already causing serious harm here, verbally and mostlikely physically. 

Do I feel: 
Hungry?
Angry?
Lonely?
Tired?

© 2022. ANGER MANAGEMENT SPECIALISTS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

COMMON CONSEQUENCES:

1. Serious injuries
2. Spouse & children are scared
3. Police gets called to arrest
4. Long term impact of children
5. Jails, legal fees
6. Guilt and remorse, but its too late
   
7. Restraining orders
8. Possibly relationship ends

You

You are now triggered, yelling, hurtful, and talking does not help.
TIME OUT NOW BEFORE
​ITS TOO LATE
Get in a calmer state of mind.

​​​​​ANGER MANAGEMENT SPECIALISTS​

​

Domestic Violence / Anger management ​Court Certified Programs for Santa Barbara County 

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