ANGER IS NOT THE REAL PROBLEM IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Despite what many believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his temper, but a deliberate choice to control. If you are in an abusive relationship, know that your partner needs specialized treatment, not just traditional counseling.
- You feel constantly frustrated and angry no matter what you try.
- Your temper causes problems at work or in your relationships.
- You avoid new events and people because you feel like you can’t control your temper.
- You have gotten in trouble with the law due to your anger.
- Your anger has ever led to physical violence.
Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical.
ARE YOU OR YOUR PARTNER ACTING ANGRY-ABUSIVE?
The following signs often occur before manifestation of full abuse and may serve clues to one person in a relationship becoming abusive of the other. Think about the following questions and apply them to you or your partner. If you can identify with one or more of the scenarios or answer "yes" to any of the questions below, you may be in an abusive relationship.
- Did you or your partner grow up in a violent family?
- Do you or your partner tend to use force of violence to "solve" problems?
- Has the police been called by neighbors because you "argue" too loud?
- Do you or your partner have a quick temper?
- Do you over-react to little problems and frustration?
- Do you or your partner punch walls or throw things when upset?
- Do you or your partner abuse alcohol or other drugs?
- Do you or your partner have strict ideas about "roles" in relationships?
- Are you or your partner extremely jealous?
- Do you keep tabs on her/him?
- Do you need to know where him/her is at all times?
- Do you or your partner isolate you from friends and family.
- Are you able to work or go to school willingly?
- Do you or your partner have access to guns, knives or other lethal weapons?
- Do you talk of using them against you or others?
- Do you or your partner expect you/them to follow their orders or advice?
and get angry if you don't.
- Do you or your partner go through extreme highs and lows almost as though
you are two different people?
- Are you extremely kind one time, and extremely mean another?
- When your partner gets angry, do you fear them?
- Have you tried to call the police yourself? Or have friends/family tried?
- Do you find yourself walking on eggshells?
- Do they treat you roughly? or use physically force you to do what you do not want to do?
- Do they threaten or abuse your pets?
Threats and physical abuse are prevalent in relationship violence, often occurring in an escalating cycle.
Call 911 if you feel that you are in immediate danger
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ANGER MANAGEMENT SPECIALISTS
Domestic Violence and Anger Management Court Certified Programs for Santa Barbara County